The good mother ideal continues to burden and isolate women—and that hasn’t changed since we first spoke with Avital Norman Nathman in 2014 about her groundbreaking anthology, The Good Mother Myth. More than a decade later, her insights remain just as urgent. In this updated interview, we revisit the pressures, expectations, and myths that still define how mothers are judged today.
The good mother myth hasn’t gone away—and feminist writer Avital Norman Nathman knew it needed to be challenged.
The feminist movement changed many things for women. They can vote. They have careers. They are respected.
But societal expectations of mothers have lagged behind. When the kids are clean, neatly dressed, and polite, the mother is praised. But if a child throws a tantrum in public, wears the same clothes three days in a row, or shows up late to daycare, the mother—not the father—is silently blamed for being “not enough.”
That was the epiphany that came to blogger and editor Avital Norman Nathman. Watching media coverage of motherhood—and judging her own struggles as a parent—she realized that moms were being held to an impossible standard.
“I Was Completely Unprepared”
In the early days after her son was born, Avital received guests and gifts. But when she was finally alone with her baby, the hours stretched forward in an endless, silent march.
She was unprepared for the isolation. It dawned on her that nobody truly knows what they’re doing when they become a parent. And yet, mothers are expected to know everything from day one.
This cultural pressure to perform perfect motherhood, she realized, was not just unfair—it was damaging. It made women feel inadequate. It created guilt and shame. And that emotional weight couldn’t possibly be good for mothers or their children.
The Good Mother Myth
To bust this illusion, Avital decided to amplify a range of real stories from mothers. She compiled personal essays—including her own—and published them as The Good Mother Myth: Redefining Motherhood to Fit Reality. Kars4Kids Parenting Editor Varda Epstein sat down with her to talk about the book’s origins, motherhood, and what makes a “great” mom.
“Are You Mom Enough?”
Varda Epstein: At what point did you decide to write The Good Mother Myth—and why?
Avital Norman Nathman: The idea for The Good Mother Myth came to me a few years ago. I’ve been writing about motherhood and parenting for a while and noticed certain trends when it came to the way those topics were framed in mainstream media. I was frustrated that motherhood was only being shown in very prescribed ways – either as this unrealistic ideal to live up to, or various stories of motherhood were being co-opted as cautionary tales. Then, it was a Time Magazine cover that really pushed me over the edge. It was of a mother nursing her 3-year-old son (while he stood up next to her) and the looming title, “Are You Mom Enough?” above them. It was then that I decided we needed more and varied voices of motherhood out there so we could take back how we define it and whose stories were being told.
On Role Models and Realism
Varda Epstein: Before your epiphany, was there a mythical mother figure you tried to emulate?
Avital Norman Nathman: I didn’t really have one. I just tried to do my best within my own situation. Although I did – and still do to this day – draw inspiration from both my mother and my maternal grandmother. They’re both rather inspiring!
“I Hope He’ll Remember Having Fun”
Varda Epstein: What do you think your son will say about you as a mother when he’s grown?
Avital Norman Nathman: I hope he’ll say that he remembers having fun, learning, exploring, traveling, and that I was a central part in all of that (as he is with my own experiences).
Perfect Birth?
Varda Epstein: What’s next for you?
Avital Norman Nathman: I’m currently working on book #2 which will explore the notion of the “Perfect Birth” myth in US society, and how the current birthing industry isn’t set up to mesh with it quite so well.
“It’s a job and you work at it.”
Varda Epstein: One last question: What has been the impact of realizing you don’t have to be a perfect mother?
Avital Norman Nathman: I don’t necessarily call myself a “good enough” mother. I think I’m a great mother. I do the best that I can, I try to make that precarious work/life balance as steady as possible, and meet all the needs of my family while simultaneously meeting my own. Is it always easy? No. It’s a job and you work at it. But I also give myself plenty of slack and the ability to realize that regardless of what others’ opinions may be, it all boils down to what works for me and my family.
Where Is She Now?
Since publishing The Good Mother Myth, Avital Norman Nathman has continued to advocate for mothers and speak out on feminist issues. Her writing has appeared in outlets like Ms., The New York Times, The Atlantic, and The Huffington Post. Her follow-up book project on birth culture is still in development as of 2025. You can follow her work at The Mamafesto or on social media @TheMamafesto.