Who doesn’t remember that viral blog piece that appeared back in mid-December, 2014, about the stranger that sat next to the author’s little girl on an airplane? The girl called him “Daddy” the entire flight, but the stranger never flinched. He was perfect.
As parents, we could all relate to the wonder of this situation. Saddled at length with a mother and child by random chance, a random stranger turns out to be not even a little bit annoyed at the situation. Not only is he not annoyed, he seems content to spend quality time with someone else’s random child.
It could have been so much worse.
But instead it was actually kind of neat.
What happens is this: the stranger in seat 16c is responsive to Shanell Mouland’s three year-old daughter Kate, who has autism. He is kind and patient.
It might have been much different and one didn’t have to have a child with autism to know how awful it could have been—how it might have turned out instead.
Traveling With Autism
Traveling with any child on an airplane is difficult. But in Kate’s case, the experience of being in an enclosed space, the sensation of movement, represented added difficulties. Awkward behavior or a tantrum would certainly be within the realm of normal; dreaded, but not unexpected.
Toward the end of the flight, Kate did, in fact, have a tantrum. And still, the “Daddy” in seat 16c remained attentive and tried to help.
Evocative Blog Piece
That blog piece was so evocative. Even for those of us without children. Every reader found herself falling just a little bit in love with “Daddy.”
We loved Shanell, too, for telling over her story in a way that touched so many of us in such a profound way.
And of course, we loved Kate.
We loved her ability to know that a stranger is safe at first sight. We loved that Shanell trusted her child’s instincts.
In writing up a recent Kars4Kids Parenting links roundup on autism spectrum disorders, we came across Mouland’s wonderful question and answer forum at the Huffington Post, Dear Kate. The author recorded the imaginary autism questions of the truly stupid and responded as her daughter’s voice. Thus Mouland found a vehicle for venting about autism ignorance with a sarcastic wit and edgy humor that made us guffaw out loud.
From Dear Kate, it was a short leap to Mouland’s blog, GoTeamKate. We wanted to know more about Shanell Mouland (M.Ed, B.Ed, B.A. Writer, MotherBlogger) and we figured you did, too. To that end we reached out and snagged an interview with this incredible mom, who wrote a viral blog piece and who continues to share her experiences on raising a daughter with autism, bravely and with candor, for the benefit of mothers everywhere.
Most Difficult Aspect
K4K: In the section of your blog entitled The Diagnosis you say that you’re not going to pretend it’s been easy. What has been the most difficult aspect of coping with Kate’s diagnosis?
Shanell Mouland: The most difficult aspect is easily contemplating the future. I would like to say it is the lack of education surrounding autism or the dismal funding or even the antiquated therapy models, but to be honest, it is truly the gut-wrenching thought of what the future will bring.
K4K: In the Get to Know Us section of your blog, you mention that Kate’s older sister Grace is sometimes painfully shy, but that she’s working on it. Do you sometimes find it hard to give her the attention you feel she needs because of Kate’s needs?
Shanell Mouland: Grace is an anxious little child and identifies very strongly as Kate’s caregiver. When she sees Kate upset, she immediately retreats for fear of adding to the chaos. This breaks my heart. She is the most loyal, helpful, mature little six year old girl and the more attention showered on her sister the more she steps aside. She is such a phenomenal sister and daughter. My husband and I have “Gracie Night” at least once a week and Kate goes to Grama’s. We shower Grace with the attention she missed out on all week.
K4K: Were you surprised by the popularity of your post, Dear ‘Daddy’ in Seat 16c? How has your sudden fame impacted on you and on Team Kate?
Shanell Mouland: Generally, the media blitz has been positive and an excellent way to spread our message of education and acceptance. The site has received so much positive attention and my writing career is on the move. The tiny nuggets of negativity that come in the form of internet trolls are quickly squashed by the ever growing member of TeamKate.
A Little Bit Selfish
K4K: What are the character traits you have that serve you well as Kate’s mother?
Shanell Mouland: I would like to pretend I am patient but that is the furthest from the truth. I am easily frustrated and a little bit selfish and believe it or not it is these character traits, that I am honest about on the blog, that are the ones so many other mothers can relate to.
In terms of the good stuff, I guess you could say that I am a mad researcher. So, I have basically learned the current literature and pedagogy on ASD in an 18 month period. This has helped immensely.
K4K: It’s notable that your family sees itself as Kate’s team. How does the team work exactly: how does this play out in actuality?
Shanell Mouland: In order to be a member of the ‘Team’ we simple ask that you take a moment to do some reading and learn about autism from a peer-reviewed journal or the blog of a parent that lives it. No membership fee, no commitments to us.
Our family and the inner circle including Kate’s doctors and therapists are also on the Team. They have more of hands on role, of course, but we also ask that they try and look at the world through the eyes of tiny turtle-loving tornado.
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About Varda Epstein
Varda Meyers Epstein serves as editor in chief of Kars4Kids Parenting. A native of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Varda is the mother of 12 children and is also a grandmother of 12. Her work has been published in The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, The Learning Site, The eLearning Site, and Internet4Classrooms.