Parent Teacher Meetings: 7 Secrets to Making Them Work from a Mother of 12

Parent teacher meetings were once a big deal to me and my husband. We wanted our children to do well in school and we wanted to be involved parents. We wanted to help however we could.

We still do, still care about our children’s academic performance and want to help, but as parents of twelve children, the meetings have perhaps lost their shiny new luster. I suppose that’s only natural when you’ve been doing those meetings for the past 3 decades. Still, we’re in it for the duration—committed to being there and doing things right.

We know it’s not about us, it’s about our kids. On the other hand, we’ve come to see these meetings as sometimes being more about the teacher than the student (our child). We joke about serving as analyst for angst-ridden educators:

And how did you feel when my son completely ignored your instructions?

Jokes aside, there is probably some truth to the idea that in some cases, the teacher will want to make sure you understand the dynamic of the classroom from the educator’s perspective. The teacher can only imagine how your child describes an out-of-control classroom to you, for instance. It’s important that you hear the teacher out to get her perspective. Between the child’s point of view, and the teacher’s stance, you should have a clear picture of what is actually going on.

Triangular Relationship

There is a triangular relationship between teacher, student, and parent. The parent naturally feels he knows his child best, while the teacher may actually spend more time with your child during the child’s waking hours. The teacher may also feel he sees the child without any parental guilt or love clouding his or her judgment. The parent, meantime, may know that a child’s tough façade in the classroom hides a heart as soft as a marshmallow.

The student may be yearning for parental intervention. He may feel that he’s gotten off on the wrong foot with the teacher and needs a new start. Alternatively, your child could be terrified you’ll talk about his feelings with his teacher or conversely, the child may be frightened of the repercussions at home of a teacher’s negative report regarding his behavior.

Then there is the child who is doing remarkably well in the classroom. He is eager for you to hear what the teacher has to say and is looking forward to praise. That’s probably the best possible outcome you could ask for from a parent teacher meeting. Such meetings are short and sweet, yet every bit as important as the meetings that serve to discuss a student’s problems.

Parent Teacher Meetings Scenarios

These are only some of the possible scenarios that might play out at parent teacher meetings. You might come expecting to hear praise and hear something really unpleasant. Or vice versa.

And then there is the issue of advocacy. The parents may be put in the position of being an advocate of the student, explaining the student’s side of things to the teacher. Or it may end up being the other way around and you may come home from that meeting with a need to show your child how it feels to be a teacher with a curriculum to teach to a large and rowdy group of students.

Your main purpose in attending these meetings is to help your child have the best academic experience possible, whatever it takes. With that in mind, here are some steps to take to make the most of the parent teacher meeting:

1. Go into the meeting with an open mind. You may have formed an opinion of the teacher based on your child’s reports. But you may not feel the same way after you’ve heard what your child’s teacher has to say. You can be a more effective parent if you know what’s really happening in the classroom.
2. Be punctual. You don’t want to be that parent. You know, the one who prevents the general meeting from starting on time or who shows up ten minutes late for the private parent teacher conference thus throwing off the schedule of every other meeting for every other set of parents for the entire evening? Don’t do that. Seriously.
3. Stay within the time allotted to the meeting. It’s not fair to monopolize the teacher’s time when he has 29 other sets of parents waiting in the hall to speak with him. It’s not fair to the teacher and it’s not fair to the other parents to overstay your welcome. Think about what you want to say and write it down if necessary. If you need more time, schedule another meeting time.
4. Be careful what you reveal about your child. Think before you speak. Will revealing a child’s bad habit help or hurt the teacher’s view of your child? Does the teacher really need to know, for instance, that at age 13, your child still sucks her thumb in her sleep?
5. Remember that your demeanor reflects on your child. If you are pleasant, the teacher goes away with a favorable impression of your home dynamic and that can make a difference for your child. While it’s true that people should be self-motivated, it’s only natural that a teacher who feels good about you will have more motivation to try harder with your child.
6. Be respectful and positive. Even if you hate meetings or expect not to like the teacher, you’re more likely to get the most out of the meeting by being kind and polite instead of looking at your watch or raising your eyebrows at a teacher’s philosophy. Make a point of saying something nice, something complimentary. Momma always said, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
7. Find out how you can help. Maybe your work hours are so hectic that you have no time to spare to help out in the classroom, but there will still be some way you can help. Perhaps you have an item to donate that would help the teacher or the classroom in some way. Children feel a sense of pride when parents get involved and teachers and students can use all the help they can get.