Does your child forget homework, struggle to start tasks, or get overwhelmed by big projects? These behaviors may point to challenges with executive function—the brain’s “management system” that helps kids plan, stay organized, and control impulses. While often linked to ADHD or autism, executive function challenges can affect any child, even those without a learning disability. Watching your child struggle can leave you feeling helpless, while your child, unable to keep up with their peers, can become discouraged. This guide will empower you to support and help develop your child’s executive function skills for best success in school and beyond.
What Are Executive Function Challenges?
Executive function is the brain’s manager, handling skills like:
- Planning and Organizing: Breaking down tasks or tracking belongings.
- Task Initiation: Starting homework without delay.
- Time Management: Estimating task duration or meeting deadlines.
- Emotional Regulation: Staying calm or managing frustration.
- Working Memory: Following multi-step directions.
These skills grow into the early 20s, but some kids face executive function challenges and need extra support. If your child has trouble with these skills, know that they aren’t being lazy and it’s not their fault. Executive function issues have to do with the way their brain is wired. The good news is that you can help them develop and improve these skills.
Executive function challenges often emerge as kids face increasing demands, like managing schoolwork or chores. For example, a child might plan a science project but forget key steps or lose materials. It’s not because your child isn’t trying hard enough. These struggles are about the way the brain manages complicated tasks. Skills develop at different rates, with some kids needing more practice at impulse control and planning. Parents can use targeted strategies, like visual aids or step-by-step guides, to build these abilities over time, in order to foster a child’s independence.
Signs of Executive Function Challenges
Every child forgets things, but ongoing patterns may need attention. Watch for:
- Preschool (Ages 3-5): Trouble with routines (e.g., “Brush teeth, then pajamas”) or meltdowns during transitions (e.g., moving from one activity to another, such as transitioning from video game time to bedtime.)
- Elementary School (Ages 6-10): Messy backpacks, lost assignments, or needing reminders to start tasks.
- Middle School and Beyond (Ages 11+): Chronic lateness, poor project planning, or impulsive choices.
These issues can disrupt school and home but don’t always mean that a child has ADHD. Your child may just need some help to work on these skills. Early support can make a big difference and help set kids up to succeed.
Such behaviors differ across ages and settings, highlighting executive function challenges at play. For preschoolers, refusing to clean up toys or forgetting to put on shoes before leaving shows weak working memory or impulse control. In elementary school, kids might rush through math problems, missing steps, or leave lunchboxes at school, which suggests your child is struggling with planning. Middle-schoolers may interrupt classmates, showing impulsivity, or forget long-term projects, like a history report that is due in several weeks’ time. Recognizing these patterns can help parents to tailor their support, like using checklists for younger kids or calendars for teens, to address their specific needs.
Why Executive Function Matters
Strong executive function drives academic success, friendships, and independence. Weak executive function, on the other hand, can affect a child’s self-esteem when they feel they can’t get anything right. Kids with executive function challenges might:
- Miss deadlines, falling behind in school.
- Feel frustrated or doubt their abilities.
- Struggle socially due to impulsivity or missed cues.
The good news? Executive skills are teachable. Parents can make a big difference in helping children develop and improve these skills.
For example, a child who repeatedly forgets homework might feel “dumb,” which can affect their self-confidence. Socially, impulsivity, like cutting in line, can strain friendships. These challenges highlight why executive function is critical—it shapes how kids manage school, relationships, and emotions. By teaching strategies, like time management or emotional regulation, parents can help kids overcome these hurdles, boosting their ability to thrive in diverse settings.
Practical Strategies for Parents
You don’t need to be an expert to address executive function challenges. Try these research-backed tips:
- Create Visual Systems:
- Use checklists or calendars to help the child keep track of tasks (e.g., “Homework, snack, playtime”).
- Set up a “launch pad,” by your front door for school essentials to make them easy to grab on the way to school.
- Break Tasks into Steps:
- For projects, work with your child to create a list of steps: “Choose topic, research, write outline.”
- Teach tackling one step at a time to help your child avoid feeling overwhelmed.
- Practice Time Awareness:
- Set timers for homework or chores to help them build their sense of time.
- Play “beat the clock” games to teach time management in a fun way.
- Model Emotional Regulation:
- Show your child how you stay calm: “I’m frustrated, so I’m taking deep breaths.”
- Solve problems together: “Let’s find two ways to handle this.”
- Encourage “Pause and Plan”:
- Prompt thinking before acting: “What’s the first step?”
- Role-play scenarios like planning a playdate or packing.
- Use Reward Systems:
- Offer small incentives to motivate task completion, like “Finish math, then 10 minutes of screen time.” For example, a child struggling with homework might earn a sticker for each subject completed, leading to a weekend treat. Consistency is key—rewards should reinforce habits, not act as bribes. This builds motivation and helps kids with executive function challenges associate effort with positive outcomes.
- Create a point system: Five points for a week’s chores could mean extra storytime. Tailor rewards to your child’s interests, like a favorite snack or outing, to keep them engaged.
- Practice Reflective Questions:
- Ask open-ended questions to build self-awareness, like “What helped you finish your homework today?” or “What could we try differently next time?” For instance, after a rushed morning, discuss, “Did having your backpack ready help?” This encourages kids to evaluate their strategies, strengthening planning and problem-solving.
- Use weekly check-ins to review progress. Sit together on Sundays to ask, “What went well this week?” and set goals, like packing the night before. This fosters independence and helps kids internalize executive function skills.
Expert Insight
Daniel Koffler, Founder of New Frontiers Executive Function Coaching, shares:
“Scaffolding is a powerful strategy for kids with executive function challenges. When a task feels huge and open-ended, it can be tough to get started. Breaking it into smaller, manageable steps helps kids focus, make a plan, and keep moving forward—key skills for completing tasks and reaching their goals.”
Kiara DeWitt, RN, CPN, Pediatric Neurology Nurse at Cook Children’s, adds:
“Use object permanence bins to ease executive function challenges. Label clear containers by task—like morning prep, homework, or backpack items—and keep them visible. This cues memory, anchors routines, and prevents the overwhelmed ‘where do I start’ feeling. It’s predictable, tactile, and turns multi-step tasks into a low-stress, grab-and-go system for kids of all ages.”
These expert strategies show how simple tools can address executive function challenges, empowering parents to support their kids effectively.
Supporting Your Child’s Confidence
Kids with executive function challenges may feel “behind,” so focus on their strengths:
- Celebrate Effort: Praise progress, like “You started homework on time—great!”
- Highlight Talents: Use successes in interests or hobbies such as music or sports to boost their self-esteem.
- Normalize Struggles: Explain to your child that everyone works on these skills, even adults.
Boosting confidence is crucial for kids facing executive function challenges, as setbacks can dent their self-worth. Try creating a Success Journal: Have your child write one daily win, like “Packed my bag early” or “Stayed calm during a test.” Review it weekly to highlight progress, saying, “Look how many wins you’ve had!” This builds pride and resilience.
Encourage resilience by framing mistakes as learning opportunities. If they forget homework, ask, “What can we try tomorrow?” This helps them see challenges as temporary, fostering a growth mindset that supports long-term executive function development.
When to Seek Help
If executive function challenges begin to have a negative impact on your child’s schoolwork or social life, consider:
- Talking to Teachers: Ask what teachers notice about your child’s challenges and/or request accommodations like extra time.
- Consulting a Professional: A psychologist can assess executive function via testing.
- Exploring School Support: An IEP or 504 Plan can offer tools like organizers.
Find your state’s Parent Training and Information Center for school system guidance.
These steps can pinpoint where executive function challenges create obstacles. For example, teachers might note your child struggles with group projects, and needs prompts in order to contribute. Professional assessments, like cognitive tests, can reveal specific weaknesses, for example in working memory, to offer information about what interventions might be helpful. School supports, like graphic organizers, for instance maps and diagrams, or extended deadlines, can ease pressure, helping kids build skills with less stress.
Boost Confidence, Build Skills
Executive function challenges can make school and home tricky, but your support helps your child build skills to shine. By creating systems, teaching strategies, and boosting confidence, you’re guiding them through life’s demands. Got a tip or story about helping your child plan or stay organized? Comment below with your ideas or questions!
Note: For significant challenges, reach out to a school counselor, pediatric neuropsychologist, child psychologist, occupational therapist, or educational therapist. These professionals can assess executive function, offer tailored strategies, or recommend school supports to help your child thrive. Contact them through school resources, pediatricians, or local clinics.