Body Language Lessons: 4 Most Misread Toddler Signals

Body language could fill in the gaps between what your toddler says and what you actually understand. That is if you understood his body language any better than you understand his attempts at speech. Beyond “NO,” that is—everyone knows what that means.

Okay, sure. You understand your child’s speech better than most. But you sure do spend a lot of time guessing and guessing again, what it is your child wants. And your toddler spends a lot of time acting out his frustration. Because dang it’s frustrating! He knows what he wants—why don’t YOU?

By the age of two years, most children have about 200 words at their disposal. That sounds like a decent amount of vocabulary until you consider that they only use about 50 of those words on a regular basis. When those 50 words fail to cover a given situation, you stare desperately at your child, trying to read his body language, trying head off the meltdown you just know is coming if you can’t figure it out.

It’s not easy for either of you. Unlike your toddler, however, you can read words. Which means you can read this article and learn about four common toddler body language signals you think you understand and what they actually mean. Learning how to interpret these four major body language signals is going to help ease your child’s frustration as much as it eases your own, leaving your home a calmer, more peaceful space for everyone.

Toddler Body Language Lesson #1

Crossed Arms

The scenario: You bought your child this funny windup toy. You wind it up and it’s going across the room. You’re sure your child is going to love this thing. But he just stands there with his arms folded across his chest.

You think: “Ugh. He doesn’t like it. And I was so sure he would!”

What it actually means: “This toy makes me nervous. It moves and makes noise. I’m not used to that.”

The crossed arms body language shows you your child feels uneasy about this unfamiliar toy. He doesn’t know how to say, “I am uncomfortable being so close to this scary toy.”

Since he doesn’t know how to say this with words, he uses body language instead. He crosses his arms over his chest to shield himself and create distance.

How to handle it: Your toddler may just need some time to get familiar with the idea of this new toy. Don’t push it, but instead, leave him alone for now and let him play with something else. Later on, once he’s forgotten about the toy and it’s no longer a threat, you can sit down and play with it yourself, without saying anything. Let him see that you are comfortable with this toy, that you don’t feel threatened by it. You see the toy as fun and interesting.

Signaling your casual response to this toy through your own body language,  may help your child overcome his worry and fear. Once he sees you’re not afraid, his natural curiosity will kick in and allow him to explore this new plaything. In the end, it may be that all he needed was a bit of distance, time, and encouragement to enjoy the lovely gift you bought him.

Toddler Body Language Lesson #2

Pulls Shirt Over Head

The scenario: Your college roommate comes to stay with you for the weekend. You can’t wait to show off your little girl. But the minute she sees your old roomie, your child pulls her shirt up over her head.

You think: “She doesn’t want to see my old friend. Her body language shows she’s taken an automatic dislike to her.”

What it actually means: “I don’t want this new smiling person to see me.”

How to handle it: This is a confusing situation for your toddler. Here is a new person she’s never met, smiling at her as if she knows her. It’s overwhelming.

You can defuse the situation by giving your child her space and making light of her behavior. “You don’t want to say ‘hi’ right now? That’s okay. Maybe you’ll say ‘hi’ later on.”

It’s important not to put a label on your child’s behavior, even as a way to make your friend feel better. For instance, you don’t want to say, “She’s just being shy. She’ll come around.”

That would be putting ideas into your child’s head when all she might need is some time to sort out her thoughts and get comfortable with the idea of this new person you like so much.

What you can do is let your child see you and your roomie enjoying each others’ company as you play catch-up. Let your daughter see the two of you rehashing old times and laughing. She’s watching your body language, too. Eventually, she’ll come around when her curiosity gets the better of her, and when that happens, don’t make a fuss over her, but just act naturally glad to have her there with the two of you.

Toddler Body Language Lesson #3

Avoids Eye Contact

The scenario: You’re in the kitchen preparing supper, and your toddler is in the next room playing. You become aware that he’s a little too quiet. Suspicious, you come into the room to check on him but he won’t meet your eyes.

You think: “Uh oh, that body language sure does look sneaky! What is he trying to hide from me?”

What it actually means:  “I did something wrong. I feel so bad about it, Mommy.”

How to handle it: Your child isn’t being sneaky, he’s experiencing remorse, shame. He did something he wishes he hadn’t. He is developing a conscience, and that’s a good thing.

It’s natural for you to wonder what it is he did but you don’t want to make a big deal of it. He feels bad enough already. It may have been something pretty innocent. Perhaps he fed the dog his peas under the table. He knows he shouldn’t do that, but really, it’s not the end of the world, from your standpoint.

What you want to do is show him your unconditional love. If you know what he did, you can say it in words, remind him it’s a no-no, and tell him not to do it next time around. If you have no clue what he did, you can simply say, “I know that something happened and I want you to know that I love you even so.”

Being kind and understanding and positive will encourage your child to be truthful with you. He sees you’re not angry. That will make him feel confident that he can tell you all sorts of things and you’ll still love him no matter what.

Toddler Body Language Lesson #3

Pushes You/Runs Away From You

The scenario: You walk over to your toddler daughter to play with her but she pushes you away or runs away from you.

You think: “Wow. She used to drive me crazy, clinging to me. Now she can’t seem to get far enough away from me.”

What it actually means:  “I’m a  big girl! I can play by myself.”

Your daughter is becoming independent. Her body language is signaling to you that for her, the world is no longer this big scary place, but a place that is interesting, and cool, and fun to explore. She still loves and needs you, but feels secure enough to check things out on her own. Her moving away or even pushing you is a good sign, a healthy one, that shows she is growing and developing right on schedule.

How to handle it: Remember that it’s not about you—it’s not personal. Know that she still needs you for many things and loves you very much. Try not to interfere with her activities. If she wants to watch ants carrying a big twig, or chase a butterfly, give her the space to do so on her own. Unless she’s doing something unsafe, like trying to pick up a broken piece of glass, let her learn about the world on  her own, at her own pace. But be on standby for when your child is tired or in need of reassurance. That’s when she’ll call, “Mommy, Mommy!” and run into your waiting arms for comfort and love.